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[17 Jan 2007|06:52pm] |
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mood |
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 uhhn oh yeahhh ‹3 |
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oh man
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| Sometimes.... |
[22 Dec 2006|04:36am] |
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mood |
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 tired |
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music |
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tegan and sarah |
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Sometimes.... i plug my laptop in to chage just because then even when im procrastinating i can tell myself, "oh im rechargeing".
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| worn down |
[18 Oct 2006|12:54am] |
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mood |
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 stressed |
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music |
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SpearHead-man oh man igotta kick these blues,wake up exaustd |
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fuck
it really is all getting to me
stress grades school
like really i know things arent that bad and everything will work out i hope but today to much of hit me at once.
skids had a credit issue and allmost didnt have enouhg science to graduate (but i think she got it figured out)
dan is failing english and im really worried for him i dont want to see him have to go back to bridgeport to harding
i dont want to see him never quit smoking never quit useing drugs never go to college, i feel like if he stays here at the center he has a pretty good chance i dont want to see him lose that
i really need to talk to my freinds and figuer some things out
i am missing this summer haning out with angie, the two of us went out bought bagles and lied in the grass looking at the sky and eating them. we sat around and talked about angles. i miss not worrying.
in ny i sat around drawing and everything looked so beautifull and i just got to enjoy it i love this world and how beautifull it is i want to be able to sit around and apriciate it more
i dont wanna worry about war about politics about being able to get married about elections and everything else
i just cant get the stress out of my gut and there is never enough time to sleep it all off
im getting by ok in allmost all my classes just worrying
and missing ... alot of things
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[04 Oct 2006|09:25pm] |
( Halloween bitchezzz! )
next time ill know to go as a giglo maby then i can get some candy from stingy bastards :-)
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| a post |
[20 Sep 2006|12:22am] |
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mood |
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 listning to lesbians |
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music |
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Walking with a gost,Speak slow,Everything is allright |
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ok so basically tegan and sarah is like cocaine. crack cocaine. or maby its just the gateway drug i dont know but it all started when i was staying up all night drawing my lepine kite runner drawing. i had to dig through my itunes to find any fast songs that would not put me to sleep like billy holiday or john coletrain. I came up with tegan and sarah motion city soundtrack and sublime (gasp white music) but basicaly i fell in love and its all i have been sining (not that i actualy can sing it or anything). Now all of a sudden i have new music and new memories attaching themselves to it for the first time since jack johnson freshman year. i have been looking back less and less. and as much as its sad, i dont know im happy, and i guess i dont feel like i have to be so nostalogic when there is so much in front of me. feeling things change still throws me off sometimes but iv felt more in control. iv been makeing casual freinds, lol eating luch with Dan (‹3), doing ok in my classes, finishing drawings an dall of it has just left me feeling alot more confidant.
Not to mention one thing i probably failed to tell most of you but hey thats what live journal is here for. I came out on the 13th to my mom in the car. She had ran into an old student of my dads and was describeing me to her and she asked, is he...straight? and she was liek well... it seems unlikely, an ddecided that was silly and asked me point blank and i told her that yes i was gay. we then talked for the next two hours and i filled her in on all of the things i couldent tel her since the begining of highschool. i love my mom she was really cool about it and said she would tell my dad. and there it was i was out. it wasnt life changeing nor did they really think i was straigt but now they know and i know they still love me and im just happy. its one less thing to stress me out and one mor ething to make me feel a little more confident. allso i started going to the triangle community center and even though i had never felt like i was repressed or like i didnt have anyone to talk to, but i have found few places as genuinly comfortable. a guy came in 23 and he had been comeing to the community center since he was 16 and he was just talking about his life the cd he cut and his relation ships, and it was just really cool to hear another gay person talking about their lives. lol the place is one more addiction, and one more place giving me some confidance.
I hope i will be ready for next year with everyone graduating its what i have been working on and im starting to feel like i might be ok by then but ill deal with that when it comes till then ill keep pumping tegan and sarah aone in my room when every one else is aslep till i work up the courage to tell my parents....i like some white music.... ‹3
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| cgs comunity |
[27 Aug 2006|07:55pm] |
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mood |
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 waiting for school |
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music |
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zap mama |
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just re-posting about the new center community ( http://community.livejournal.com/cgs_bmhs/profile ):-) i figured me actualy posting might shock some ppl into joining XD but most of you might have joined allready :-)
other than that im just kinda freaking out slightly about school like the fact that i actually have to go buy accordion binders and note books...
that kind of scares me
im llaunching head on into a kind of difficult junior year and just hopeing that by the end of it i will actualy feel confident that i can do whatever i want
its a little bit exiting getting to see everyone again and not haveing to keep waiting for the summer to end
any way ill see all of you soon :-) have fun writing esays and finishing books i want to hear about everyones summers when i see you guys next ‹3 you all peace
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[09 Dec 2005|11:43pm] |
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mood |
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complacent |
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music |
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changed for the better (wicked sound track foo!) |
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sorry hashi, i kind of messed with your layout. i got bord. just saw the word and i'll change it back. or you can just huver or manage, the click custamize. then choose the old system and scroll down to were it says old system. then highlight all of it (how ever the hell you do that on macs) and just delete. and it;s all back to normal. sorry again! and i love you!
beeteadoubleyou what the hell does complacent mean. it's aprently the mood i am in.
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[08 Dec 2005|09:44pm] |
 Oh Great Cthulhu!I have been an extremely diligent devotee this year. In June, I stopped ![[info]](http://stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) suupa_afuro from defiling Lovecraft's grave (-20 points). In October, I sacrificed suupa_afuro to Cthulhu (500 points). In September, I called down the wrath of Yog-Sothoth upon suupa_afuro (65 points). In April, I prepared an ocean voyage to R'lyeh (200 points). In July, I fed suupa_afuro to a Shoggoth (250 points). Yesterday, I burnt my copy of the Necronomicon (-75 points). In short, I have been very good (920 points) and deserve to get hooked up with one of those cute Innsmouthers. Your humble and obedient servant, SNOW DAY PLEEEEEEEAS CTHULHU PLEASE ILL BE A GOOD BOY OR A BAD GIRL OR WHATEVER YOU WANT AS LONG AS IT SNOWS (but please dont sell the vidios)
Submit your own plea to Cthulhu!
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[08 Dec 2005|09:19pm] |
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mood |
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 exanimate |
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music |
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black women |
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whooooah lookit my update
umm i pimped my colors out :-) and now i might actualy update more frequently like i allways say i will but dont exept this time i actualy will and then if i dont i will make it my new years resolution to update more XDDD hahahah ummm anyway
I GOT MY FUCKING BRACES OFF !!!!!
yayyyyyyyy after 2 and a half years and 9 months of him telling me next apointment he actualy went ahad and took them off
i still feel selfcontious (<- lj told me that that should be spelled SlovakiansXD) cause i feel like they look weird, and my teeth look huuuge XD but ill get used to it its nifty they feel smooth and now they wont be in my way :-) annnnnd i jjust bought a whole pack of bubalicious buble gum to cellabrate its 1337
i was THIS CLOSE *holds up fingers really close together* to getting a rainbow retainer but i thought that might be awkward at christmass dinner and the like so i just got black so as to be emo and wangsty XD but no its so that it wont discolor and cause i like black Xp so i get that next week but anyway
FUCKING SNOWDAY EVERY ! DO THEIR SNOW DANCE ! cause i dont wanna go to school ‹33333 XD that it the end
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| peircing |
[31 Aug 2005|08:06pm] |
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omg ear piercing!!!!!!!! okok so today sven and ally came with us to pick up skids and sarah from freshman orientation and we all went to utopia and it was cho fun . sooo i got a 14 gage needle to peirce my ear. so like omg i love the needle its all hollow and sexy, but like still kinda scary XD and i got a captive, 1 of those round earings with the single ball at the bottom, which is allso sexy. so i was gonna peirce it while every was there but i ran out of time and my noni was haning around so when every 1 left me and nate went to peirce it. and cause last time i peirced an ear it was kindqa crooked and cancer so this time i asked nate to do it. so we have a peice of styrofoam behing my ear and all and like he wasent sur how to do it so he trys to stabb really fast and totaly stabed me in the wrong place and it was bleeding like whoa so im like its ok ill do it myself...but what ever i had to push sooooooo hard to get it through, and then like i went into a little bit of shock got really dizzy and nauseous, and then the earing was really hard to get in so i had nate do it, and then i had a cold shower and was like omg i love peircings XD but now its swelling XD oh and we couldent get the ball on so its just a hoop now XD but u will all see it tomarow
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[25 Aug 2005|11:00pm] |
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omg hahah the funeral was...kinda cool XD my couzins got better in the 4 years since i have seen them, and i met my second couzins for the second time in my life and there cool 2 so like woah leet family weird...oh but if i die will u promis me that u willl 1) burn me 2) like dump the ashes in a ditch 3) smuggle drugs in the empty earn just to stick it to tha man and 4) like idk dont have a funeral...they are weird just tell every1 i went to canada idk XD ‹33333333333333 love u guys
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[25 Aug 2005|01:03am] |
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ughh im getting dressed 4 a funeral 2 marow >..< its my grandpa's sister.... but my mom says that there is gonna be all this family there and since i havent seen them since my grandpas other sister died i have to make a good impretion, and look like a boy >.> XD ahhaha all the black wasnt hard XD but i have to wear dress pants and scrounge for a earing othe rthan the haning star i stole frome ally XD grrrrr and my cousins that i hate r gonna be there and there mooving to new hampshire which means im gonna have to see them alot more than when they were in indiana >.,.,.,;.,.,.,;..,.,.,< so w\ev cant do nothing 2 marow so ill talk to u guys friday tell me whats up ‹333333333333333 hopefully it will be over as painlessly as possible *~*
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[23 Aug 2005|11:31pm] |
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oh and i forgot pre school wangst
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[23 Aug 2005|09:38pm] |
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blagh iv been sleeping more than iv been awake the last couple of days >.> i got to hang with allzors angie saigy anna and mell today that wass cool and i made AWSOME meatal hair copsticks AND I FINALLY gOT MY BOOTS steel toes and everytghimnbg i loves them to death kk dinner ttuguys soon
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| ahhah |
[21 Aug 2005|02:58am] |
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mood |
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i have to pee |
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music |
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regge |
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ok im gonna give lj a second try and see if i can keep it up i love all u guys and...posting is fun
ummm omgallys wings ill post a pic of them as soon as i find the 1 i took anyway i missed 2 nights of sleep but they came out awsome and i cant wait to hear how it went tell me if any1 has herd from them
omfg im buying like emo boots but way 13373R steel toed and everything like ill have spent all my money but ill be happy ‹33333
ummmmmm and i love u all ill post again soon cause im drawing ‹33333333
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| i missed EVERY ONE |
[23 Apr 2005|04:34am] |
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mood |
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 love‹33 |
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music |
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the humming in my brain |
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omg I am back from boston and i'm allmost suprised how much I missed everybody. every time i went up before, like all my child hood, i never wanted to come back and just had more fun there than i ever did at home. i still enjoyed boston it dident get any less fun but sudenly it was missing something. YOU, and i can just say you because i seriously thought of everybody one i hang out with or have hung out with, e.g. the ppl who bother to watch my l.j.. maby i was telling astory about you guys or what not but people kept popping up in my mind, so in essence im here to thank everyboby for making my life so cool that im glad to be home, i love you all and missed you so much, we have to have another party‹333333333 ALLYYYYY TT_TT sorry we missed your un birthday party ill get the details from someone 1337 enough to be there i wish we could have made itT,.,T. and i have to...shout out... sam and sven because i thought about each of you an obsurd amount and cant wait to see u guys again i dont know how long i could stand being somewhere where you guys are not ‹3 ^_^ and wasted all my phone minuts on sven XD yay for rollover though
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[04 Apr 2005|01:41pm] |
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mood |
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like the war |
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music |
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that sound ur mom makes when...............SHES COOKING |
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hahahahahahahha
yoz check out my mad manly veiw on sports that sven helped me realize
hashi: looks at a game of hackysack
hashi: *calls it vollyball*
hashi: * has a revelation*
hashi: ¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡THIS MUST BE SPORTS!!!!!!!!!!
XD ok only me n' sven will laugh but its cause we are 1337er than u
oh i totaly skiped schol today
its the last day of capts for the softmores
but we all only get a short day but insted of just giving us 3 periods or w\e they give us 5 really short 1ns well any way i dident feel like getting up so i dident and now school is over ^__________^ haha yay
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[03 Apr 2005|05:24pm] |
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mood |
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 sleepy |
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music |
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still the 15 day billy holiday |
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just got through sleeping 14 houers 1 of the longest sleeps i can remember im still tired TT_TT XD
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| a dinner conversation |
[01 Apr 2005|10:42pm] |
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mood |
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exausted emotionaly&phisicaly |
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music |
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billie holliday - strage fruit |
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hmm ok well something did happen for once, it was interesting to say the least.
we were eating dinner when my mom basically out of the blue say "well im not sure this is dinner conversation but..." ok so first she is talking about the flippant bisexuality in the center for global studies and how she dosent have a problem with it, though implys that in our house it is different. now my mom is very close with her married lesbian sister, so dosent feel like she can sayanything directly aginst it withought being in some part hippocritical. my dad on the other hand feels less restricted and harbors a certain distaste for homosexuality on a christian bases, saying early on thaht this was a heterosexual household. now i too am christian and have a good deal of faith in God. i wont preach to you , and would inturn apreciate if u could just exept it regardless of you veiws and belifs on god and religion. ok so on with the conversation, it then moves on to her not beliving in bisexuality veiwing it only as a "will fuck anything that moves" point of veiw, saying that you are either hetero sexual or homosexual. this being stated forced some thinking on my part to evaluate what i thought about my self. i came out with gay, for now i think there will be a point in my life when that may change but if forced to classify truthfully that was what i thought. my mom said that biblicaly there was nothing condoning homosexuality, my dad "hmmhs" and says" jokingly stone them at the gates of the the freaks" , ok pleas do not take this seriously and do not hold it against my dad he dose not truly inhabit this point of veiw, and i belive would go against it if some one really did think this. ok my mom then says that being gay was something between them and god, something i really do belive and agree with, allso pointing out that there were gay christians. im not shure how but at somepoint it moved to the fact that there was no such thing as casual sex, saying that it is a spiritual thing and should never be taken for granted. she said that with all the kids who had no one to answer to (like god) could veiw it only as somethig to bring you plesure and as long as they dident feel used or dirty it was fine wit them. she said the she understood this veiw because she was not raised christian and went through highschool nonreligious. she said that all the kids might go around flipantly doing whatever they wanted we might get interested and think o that looks good/fun its ok , she warned against this saying we had a responsibility to uphold. she said that she did not know ware we placed ouself in all of this, and then turning to me and not my brother and for the first time opely and unsubtly chalenged my sexuality, but not looking for an answer said that it was something i had to think about...i just nodded... nate then said to mom "now is when u say we wil love u anyway" she herself had said this slightly veild before but didnot infromt of my dad. it was a tough conversation to chew on. it was for the mopst part not to painfull, but just to pour salt in the would as i sat down at my computer she said "are u going to go journal that your parents just gave you the gay talk" i completely denied it... but it stung being that readable...i knew they were pretty sharp, im not suprised that they know whats going on in our lives, and they probably know QUITE a bit more that i dont know they know...
now i apreciate my parents balls to just say it all and do not feel at all hostile to them and i think i am glad they said it cause it forced some thouhts that had been lurking in the back of my mind for some time. i do not think that most parents would have done this. and i do worry abit about relaying this all because they said it to me and spoke freely because we are there children. i amtyping this half for my own benifit just like a journal but i think it was interesting. and ofcourse now i am having even more second thoughts about posting it but i know that i will do it anyway. but the point is that these things should not afect your veiw of them, and some of you do have contact wit hthem quite often. i want to say that they do love you guys, our freinds, and harbor no dislike wit hany of you and i mean that truthfully if they had problems with our freinds they would tell us. and they do love you these things realy only pertained to us. they have to deal with our teen years wich i give them credit for they are responsible for raising us and i aplaude them. they deal with some tuff isues and i think they do well.
ok well thakyou for those of u that bother reading and it would be apreiciated if this was not spreads around to too many people, or just not to any 1 i would not have told myself. i apolligize if that sounds over paraniod or anything.it really isent that i care, its just well i wasent even sure if i was going to post it it a couple of minuts ago
o i love you all to death you all make me feel so happy. i am just glad that i have so many people that i can talk to about this stuff its a rare gift. ‹33
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